The Year of the Sheep

Hello everyone.

This my first post in a very long time.  I apologize in advance for being all over the place, this is several different posts that never got completed and several recent thoughts mushed into one. I would to thank everyone for their posts and apologize that I haven't returned the effort sooner. As I look back at this year, I remember getting prepared, making goals and plans for the year ahead. I had no idea what I was getting into or what to expect. I had high hopes of extinguishing old habits and learning new ones. Although, I fell short on quite a few goals and requirements, I have made leaps and bounds from where I was before I Ho Chuan and definitely before kung fu.  But as I look back and reflect on the successes and the failures, I have to ask myself "why?". Why have I suceeded where I did and why have I failed where did?  To do this is a very good exercise in self reflection. Until you truly look at yourself, the good, the bad and everything else, you will never understand what you need to do to improve yourself. That is what this journey towards mastery is all about right?  One thing I really didn't expect from this year, was gaining a better understanding of who I am. As I struggled with my requirements, I stuggled even more with the thought of my commitment waining. Why else would I be having problem achieving these commitments?  The thought of loosing my commitment was terrifying.  This is just not a commitment to myself, or the team or to the school. This was a commitment to my family, my children and my friends. This was a commitment to become a better and healthier person. To develop new habits and behaviours so that I am still here in 10, 20 or 30 years from now. The thought that I was no longer concerned with this created even more stress which in turn created even more impedance to accomplishing what I set out to do in the first place.  Sometime ago, Sifu explained that commitment and self discipline are very different. Well that makes sense doesn't it?  Of course I have self discipline problems. This isn't really a surprise, I knew this, but haven't really acknowledged it. This self realization is one of my biggest accomplishments this year. It doesn't sounds like much, but this is pivotal. This is vital for me to conquer if I want to accomplish anything worth accomplishing. As the year of the Sheep draws to an end, I look toward the year of the Monkey, I am preparing, making goals and plans for the year ahead. The difference this year, I know myself better than I did a year ago. I know what I want to accomplish and I know developing my self discipline will be at the heart of it all.

Thanks for reading.

Mike